Sitting Still in Circle Time & the 3 year old Boy
Does your son (or daughter) wiggle and squirm through circle time? Does he run circles around the others during circle time? Well you are not alone. Many parents loose sleep every night trying to come up with ways to help their child SIT STILL in Circle Time. In fact, Circle Time has become the dreaded “C” word in our house. From the moment my son started preschool we have heard it over and over again. “He just doesn’t want to sit in circle time”. “He had trouble in circle time today”..etc. My question for you and all the preschool teachers out there is…”so what!”
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If an 8 year old can’t sit still in a circle, OKay you got me..there might be a problem. BUT, a 3 or 4 year old boy who just wants to play and have fun…not so much. I know, I know I am going to get comments galore about how kids need to be able to sit still in Kindergarten and signs of not being able to sit still are attributed to ADHD…but put away the poison Kool-aid ladies. We have to look closer at what we are really expecting of our young children and if we are putting too much pressure on them to “grow up” too fast.
I remember a time when Kindergarten WAS the equivalent of what Preschool is now. Kids fingerpainted, learned ABC’s and LEARNED to sit at desks and in circle time. Now, we expect our 3 year olds to sit still during circle time and SHARE with the others. When they don’t we begin to get nervous…convinced they need special help, early intervention, and even DREADED MEDICATIONS.
NO 3-4 year old should be diagnosed with ADHD…Recommended ages for diagnosis are between 6-12. Most little boys especially are simply socially immature. While their female counterparts are willing and eager to sit still and TALK for 10-15 minutes, these little boys have thousands of years of evolution working against them and tugging at their “inner caveman”. They want to run, jump, climb trees, and PLAY.
I am just a little leary of any school system that expects little boys and girls to act years older than they really are. Maybe instead of changing the children…we need to change our school system and we expect of them.
If you like my blog….check out my new parenting website…www.octopusmom.com
Hey there: just wanted to say Thank You for writing this. I am a mom of a 4 yo boy that just started Preschool this year and we’re having notes coming home on his calendar almost every day. At first, I was on the verge of tears from not underdstanding his bad behavior at school but after reading several online sources, stories from other parents and educators that have found a link I am able to handle it much better. I highly recommend “The Minds of Boys” and The Trouble with Boys” as helpful resources for other moms/parents of …ahem…”energetic” little boys.
I am an ECE at a preschool and I do circle time almost every day (alternate with my assistant teacher) and we have 2-4 yr olds mixed in my group. We have circle time anywhere from 15-35 minutes. They all stay seated for the most part listen and all participate. Want to know what my secret is?!?! I do what THEY want! Yes we do ABC’s and calender and sign language, but we also do dancing, and fun songs, etc. I ask them what THEY want too do. This is huge to keep them engaged. I think before alot of teachers blame the children for not sitting still, hey may need to stop and evaluate what they are doing in circle time! =)
thank you moms! My 3 year old and youngest son of 4 kids just started preschool this week, and I am on the verge of tears thinking there is something wrong (adhd, etc.) because he can’t sit still for circle time. (today he was doing somersaults into the circle of kids!) The teacher took him and another child who was having a tough time out to run around in a larger indoor playspace. I was grateful for that, rather than have him sit at a table by himself – I want him to enjoy school and not feel isolated or punished because he can’t sit just yet. This is his first experience at school and I’m hoping he’ll fall into the routine soon. He’s always had so much freedom being home with me, so I think the routine may be a little bit of a shock to him ( I think it will be very good for him). Any advice on things we can do at home to encourage following the routine at school (we have a bedtime routine for evenings), and at what point would you feel that a particular school may not be the best fit for a child? Thanks for your advice!
Thank you, thank you! You hit the nail on the head with this. I have an energetic, 100% boy who wants to play and be a boy. When he started preschool this last fall, I was told he wasn’t participating in circle time activities. And, I was also told he should be able to color for the entire blocked out ime which is 15-20 minutes. Ha! My son will color, but not that long every time! We are expecting way too much for these boys that are normal in wanting to explore their worlds. Thank you for your insight and advice!
All I can say is thank you! I was feeling pretty hopeless tonight and tired of all the negative feedback from my 3 year old son’s preschool and you gave me hope!
As a preschool teacher, I agree that a three-year-old should not be expected to sit for too long . The problem is that when the other 9 students are sitting and trying to listen and participate, the distruptive one unfairly ruins it for everyone. I am not sure what the right answer is.
BRAVO! I am a 4 year old kindergarden teacher who fully believes children — yes 4 year olds — NEED to PLAY — PLAY is their WORK! Circle time is not a future indicator of school success! Preschool is NOT bootcamp for kindergarten so let’s treat 3 and 4 year olds like 3 and 4 year olds instead of trying to make them into kindergarteners! Yes by the end of 4K I expect the kids to be able to listen to sit for short periods of time and to be on task and generally speaking they can! There are a few exceptions but overall they are able to sit and attend! And Hats off to Developmentally Appropriate Practices!!
I’m grateful to have found this site. I have a 3 and a half yr old little boy who is having trouble sitting during circle time. My son is currently potty trained but during enrollment of preschool he was not…so I had to sign him up for the 2yr old class. Which is frustrating, when he had just turned 3 I had asked his doctor about potty training and he encouraged me to not pressure my child that he would learn in his own time. Then two months later; when I signed him up for preshool their was all this pressure for him to be potty trained due to them not accepting pull-ups (I think thats crazy). Anyway…I’m not sure if he’s bored or what. I watch him w/other 3yr olds and he there is not difference. If he’s w/older kids then he acts like them. I know my child displays normal behavior for his age, but it’s very discouraging trying to make him act like an adult, when he’s only 3.
I’m grateful to have found this site. I have a 3 and a half yr old little boy who is having trouble sitting during circle time. My son is currently potty trained but during enrollment of preschool he was not…so I had to sign him up for the 2yr old class. Which is frustrating, when he had just turned 3 I had asked his doctor about potty training and he encouraged me to not pressure my child that he would learn in his own time. Then two months later; when I signed him up for preshool their was all this pressure for him to be potty trained due to them not accepting pull-ups (I think thats crazy). Anyway…I’m not sure if he’s bored or what. I watch him w/other 3yr olds and there is not difference. If he’s w/older kids then he acts like them. I know my child displays normal behavior for his age, but it’s very discouraging trying to make him act like an adult, when he’s only 3.
Interesting how we accept our kids as being ‘bored’ when they are unable to follow directions and do what is being asked of them.
Funny how people expect young children to ignore their instinct and natural desire to learn through play!
Hi all. So great to read all the comments. My 3yr old son is also having problems at preschool as well. He was in a program last year (1.5 hours 2x a week) and never a negative comment. But, this year (different school), each day that I pick him up, the teacher will say … didn’t sit in circle time, running in class, says no when one of the teachers asks him to do something (he apparently spilled the drink on purpose the other day). She says that he is very bright just is “disruptive” to the other kids. Or that he will “follow” the other kids if they run around, etc. She suggested today that I consider having him evaluated for “behavior issues”. Today he actually pulled his pants down in class and grabbed his genitals. He does not do any of this behavior at home. I’ve been practicing circle time at home and even bought several books about preschool (Maisy goes to preschool etc). The thing is, the teacher never says, well since he wasn’t sitting in circle, I allowed him to sit quietly with a book or I gave him this other activity. Instead, it appears that he is put in time out (and won’t sit there either — at home circle time is for extreme behavior, i.e. hits his siblings, etc). I’m just at a loss for what to do next. This is a well regarded school and it is not cheap. If there is an issue and he should be evaluated, then I don’t want to delay. But, I also feel as though he may be acting out since he is not comfortable in class. Any suggestions on how to approach teacher and deal with these issue are greatly appreciated.
Lisa,
After reading your post I feel like I wrote it myself! I have been having the same experience with my son within the past week. I actually pulled in out of his former preschool before Christmas because I was not happy with the behaviors he was learning the other kids (i.e. pulling down his pants, hitting, wrestling). He would come home and then teach these things to his 2 year old sister. He loved the school and did fairly well after the first two weeks of learning about circe time and sitting.I was paying an arm and a leg for that program as well. I was able to find one opening available in a very structured Catholic pre-k program in and thought it would be good to put him in a better environment.
Well if he can transition before he get kicked out I will be thrilled. He has been there for 4 long days now and all I hear each day is that he is running away and not listening, hiding and saying “no” constantly. He even ran into the kitchen at the convenant when the nuns were having lunch! I hope that this will subside and maybe he is just overwhelmed and missing his old school.
I am hoping since you posted this two months ago, you are two months ahead of me and could give me some suggestions or peace of mind!
Thanks!
Ris
I’m so happy to find this. My 2.5 year old has trouble sitting in circle time. It has kept me up at night: what am I doing wrong? How can I help? I was also thinking, “He can’t be the only child that won’t sit in circle time.” While I do understand that his wanting to run around and not sit down can disrupt the class, it’s good to remember that he is just 2. Thank you!
Oh My God! Thank you so much for writing this. You have completely lifted my spirits. I was beginning to feel like the only mom in the world who’s 3 year old wouldn’t sit still during circle time at school. Or atleast that’s how the preschool made me feel – I pulled him out. Everyday when I would go to pick him up I would get his teacher with look on her face saying “we had a rough day today”. I say get back to basics people and stop expecting so much from the little people of the world!
Hi–I am writing in reference to the mom upset about her 3 yr. old not sitting at Circle Time. I am a preschool teacher and I TEACH my 3 yr olds how to sit at circle time. The key word here is teach–that is a positive thing. It may take a lot of role modeling for a child who has trouble sitting, help from the parents and positive rewards when they do it–and it does take time but a teacher should work on this all year and expect the same thing from every child. If one day the teacher let him run around without trying to get him to sit and then the next day she expected him to stay then a child will get mixed messages. Consistency is the key. I don’t think because a preschool teacher is doing “her job” that she is being hard on your child. If you worked in a classroom then you would have a different opinion. Children should begin to understand what school is from the time they start a preschool program. Preschool is not a play group or daycare so there are different expectations. A child should be taught from the time he starts school what is expected of him–this is not just about your child anymore–he is in a room with other children so different expectations are required for everyone to be able to play and learn together. If I let all 10 of my children run around at circle time–I wouldn’t have one and the room would become chaotic. I myself would not be able to play fun games and teach the children different skills at this important time of the day if I just let the children do this. As a teacher it is my job to consistently work with any child–in a positive manner–to get him/her to sit at circle time and guess what?– all my three olds can do it. It takes some longer than others but when they are able sit at circle time they have such great experiences with the other children and teachers. They learn different skills in a fun way and they learn that they like the games the teacher has set up for them to do. If I didn’t teach my 3 yr.old this impt. skill then they will go into there 4 yr. old class the following year and act the same way. In the 4 yr old class we learn to write our names and form the letters of the alphabet ect.. and many parents want this for their children because of the higher standards Kindergartens have now a days. The children need to be ready–these higher expectation are not a preschool teachers fault–it is today’s society–but we have to make sure our children are ready for the next step. If you can’t teach a child to start to try and sit still at 3 yr old –how are they going to learn to sit still and write there name ect. the following year. I am sure as a mother there are certain behaviors you expect from your son at 3 that you might not for 1 or 2 year old–well this is how you have to think about it from a teachers perspective and one behavior we start to teach 3 year olds is to sit for small periods of time. Children thrive on structure and routine–I see it everyday and I believe in it. Be positive about circle time to your son and embrace the teacher who is teaching him this life long skill that he will need in school for the rest of his school years. We have a job and it is hard for teachers because many parents think they know our job and believe me run a class and plan activities and do it with 10 or more children and you will have a new found respect for teachers at all levels. Children need to know what is expected from them from the beginning that does not mean that is is not fun learning for children at this age. Children need to know early on how to interact and respect others in a school setting. We know as parents how hard it is when one of our children gets in a habit of doing something–example–coming in our room at night to sleep—how hard it is to break a child’s habit–well a habit often times for young children is a learned behavior. We as parents let it go because we will deal with it another time or they little ect…then we kick ourselves because they expect this habit to keep happening. We as preschool teachers cannot allow our children to create these habits–they will become more frustrated and will have a harder time in years to come. I hope this helped you to possibly view this situation in a different way.
I agree that children should be taught and yes that is the teacher’s job. I myself am a teacher of elementary school children. However, as the parent of 2 very different children, one that is 6 and one that is almost 4 and a boy, I can tell you that sometimes it is hard for a child to sit still. I also beleive that sometimes preschools forget that some of what they are asking our little people to do is completely age inappropriate. Children will have from kindergarten through 12th grade to sit at a desk although hopefully they get some teachers who make it fun. The problem with so many is that in preschool we forget that they learn through play and while their behavior may not always be acceptable they are 3 and 4 year olds so it is understandable. As a parent I have realized how demoralizing it can be to hear everyday that your child has done something wrong. I too have see that same look and shake of the head when I ask how was he today? I parented both children the same but both do not learn the same. Just like I am a visual learner someone else may be an auditory learner. Many little boys are kinesthetic learners and like to move around….is there times when they need to sit still?? Of course but be reasonable with what you ask and remember that the parent on the other side of the door loves that child and that what you tell us about them can sting more than you know.
I appreciate this too. However, the behaviors are such a concern that I would want to pull my child home. I hope you are finding the right situation/place/help. It is hard to tell what is best because behaviors can be hard to sort out too as to why this or that when they can’t communicate well yet, and might struggle to even if it were easier due to adjustments or situations they are in. Just hope they will feel safe no matter what first of all, and cared for.
That said, my daughter, yes a girl, had some of the same difficulties at times, and I did take her to someone who hesitantly labeled her PDD (Autism Spectrum) somewhere, but was feeling she was doing well considering. She still has symptoms, though so high functioning that she was pulled from having IEP in 2nd grade and always mainstreamed with support that was minimal or Para in room, dividing attention to child who needed more help. They really didn’t do much to support her high functioning or encourage full diagnosis due to how well she seemed to do academically. Now she is 11 and still has needs and so it can be girls too. And it can definitely mean something. Her brother has had ADHD symptoms. Though I think lack of confidence happening through early pressures can actually contribute for them, and hope you can find the right place. Feel that really matters. But early diagnosis and help is best if ASD.
My son is 3 1/2. I have been looking for pre-school for him. So far, 3 pre-school rejected his application just because he failed in his trial day – not able to sit on any circle time, story time or music time…. I just got a call from BSF children program to complaint the same thing. I cried and cried. Not sure what to do. Cannot take the feeling that my son, just 3 1/2, has been rejected by school.
I have a 3 years old with the same “problem” won’t sit in a circle issue that is going to be evaluated. I do feel they expect to much from a 3 years old in preschool. I wish I could find a system that let the kids stay kids and play and not trying to make them little adults. it’s amazing how this option exsist in other contries but very rare to find in ny. if anyone knows about alternatives and would like to share’ I will be happy to hear about it.
EARLY INTERVENTION
I agree with much of what has been said on all accounts. We do sometimes expect too much from children, and we can, as preschool teachers help children learn new skills, such as sitting at a circle time. It’s not essential for future development, but neither is it harmful.
The one comment that concerns me, is the one in the opening by octopus mom:
“When they don’t we begin to get nervous…convinced they need special help, early intervention, and even DREADED MEDICATIONS… NO 3-4 year old should be diagnosed with ADHD…Recommended ages for diagnosis are between 6-12. Most little boys especially are simply socially immature. ”
I agree that medication should not the first response to an active child of either gender. Some children are more active and that is fine. Young children should, though, be able to control their behavior, and if that is a problem, then remedies should be taken. Those can be as simple as getting suggestions for parenting, or they can include having a child evaluated for early intervention services. I am concerned that this was minimized by your comments.
Bringing a child in for an evaluation can be a difficult step for a parent, one that is overly stigmatized. Families in need of services shouldn’t feel bad about it.
Our brains and bodies come in all different styles of functioning. Some children have great difficulty controlling their behavior and it can be due to the different functioning of their brains.
School-age children with significant AD/HD were preschoolers once and they were not easy to parent or teach. It’s not simply because they are normal active boys. They are children with significant issues that needn’t be dismissed. It’s good to remember that there are those children outside the “normal range” who do need intervention services to be more successful in life.
Thanks – B
If your 3 or 4 year old can’t sit still and you want him to run and play all day, why is he in pre-school? Pre-school is part of school. Perhaps you should do some home activities and wait for kindregarten. There are other children in the class who want to sit still and listen and participate. Pre-school is not manditory and is not for everyone.
I am so grateful for your post. Tears swelled my eyes as I pick up my 3 yr old son today, its his first day for preschool and he had difficulty staying on task. The teacher said he wanted to just play with trucks. He didn’t do well with play doh or puzzles. I am so devastated. Somehow I felt I failed him as a mom and reading your post helped a lot. So many times I feel that teachers are expecting too much from our children. Some of these children did not have a routine of coloring, circle time, e.t.c and the transition to a scheduled environment is difficult. Its great to know that I am not alone, but that other parents are experiencing the same problems. Thanks-Stacy
Hi everyone…again, thank you for all your comments, it IS good to know you are not alone.
My 3-year-old daughter is not in preschool, but she is in gymnastics and was in a music class that had a circle time. She would not sit for the circle time and was asked to step out of the class twice, and just yesterday she would not wait her turn in gymnastics and so was asked to leave as well. I am really worried that this will translate to preschool next year.
I am taking action. Besides doing research (and finding this post), I am also going to try turning off the TV at night and practicing sitting still for increased periods of time at home. The TV has been off all weekend so far, and my daughter has chosen to look at books, color, draw, or play with a quiet toy…each for 10-15 minutes at a time. She has never done that before. So I guess the key here is to just try something, see if it works, then if it doesn’t work, try something else.
I too am a teacher (high school), and I see the logical end to attention deficits in school. Their performance does definitely decrease. So I am not blaming her programs, or her teachers, or even myself. To ask young children to sit still IS developmentally inappropriate, but it is the educational reality our children are facing, so to me, it does nothing to blame, or worry; it just means you have to accept it and take action.
Thank you for the post. All children are different and I get so upset to see some kids sit for circle time while my son is running around causing choas! I agree we are putting too much pressure on our 3-4 year olds. All they want to do is play.