Sitting Still in Circle Time & the 3 year old Boy
Does your son (or daughter) wiggle and squirm through circle time? Does he run circles around the others during circle time? Well you are not alone. Many parents loose sleep every night trying to come up with ways to help their child SIT STILL in Circle Time. In fact, Circle Time has become the dreaded “C” word in our house. From the moment my son started preschool we have heard it over and over again. “He just doesn’t want to sit in circle time”. “He had trouble in circle time today”..etc. My question for you and all the preschool teachers out there is…”so what!”
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If an 8 year old can’t sit still in a circle, OKay you got me..there might be a problem. BUT, a 3 or 4 year old boy who just wants to play and have fun…not so much. I know, I know I am going to get comments galore about how kids need to be able to sit still in Kindergarten and signs of not being able to sit still are attributed to ADHD…but put away the poison Kool-aid ladies. We have to look closer at what we are really expecting of our young children and if we are putting too much pressure on them to “grow up” too fast.
I remember a time when Kindergarten WAS the equivalent of what Preschool is now. Kids fingerpainted, learned ABC’s and LEARNED to sit at desks and in circle time. Now, we expect our 3 year olds to sit still during circle time and SHARE with the others. When they don’t we begin to get nervous…convinced they need special help, early intervention, and even DREADED MEDICATIONS.
NO 3-4 year old should be diagnosed with ADHD…Recommended ages for diagnosis are between 6-12. Most little boys especially are simply socially immature. While their female counterparts are willing and eager to sit still and TALK for 10-15 minutes, these little boys have thousands of years of evolution working against them and tugging at their “inner caveman”. They want to run, jump, climb trees, and PLAY.
I am just a little leary of any school system that expects little boys and girls to act years older than they really are. Maybe instead of changing the children…we need to change our school system and we expect of them.
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Hey there: just wanted to say Thank You for writing this. I am a mom of a 4 yo boy that just started Preschool this year and we’re having notes coming home on his calendar almost every day. At first, I was on the verge of tears from not underdstanding his bad behavior at school but after reading several online sources, stories from other parents and educators that have found a link I am able to handle it much better. I highly recommend “The Minds of Boys” and The Trouble with Boys” as helpful resources for other moms/parents of …ahem…”energetic” little boys.
thank you moms! My 3 year old and youngest son of 4 kids just started preschool this week, and I am on the verge of tears thinking there is something wrong (adhd, etc.) because he can’t sit still for circle time. (today he was doing somersaults into the circle of kids!) The teacher took him and another child who was having a tough time out to run around in a larger indoor playspace. I was grateful for that, rather than have him sit at a table by himself – I want him to enjoy school and not feel isolated or punished because he can’t sit just yet. This is his first experience at school and I’m hoping he’ll fall into the routine soon. He’s always had so much freedom being home with me, so I think the routine may be a little bit of a shock to him ( I think it will be very good for him). Any advice on things we can do at home to encourage following the routine at school (we have a bedtime routine for evenings), and at what point would you feel that a particular school may not be the best fit for a child? Thanks for your advice!
Thank you, thank you! You hit the nail on the head with this. I have an energetic, 100% boy who wants to play and be a boy. When he started preschool this last fall, I was told he wasn’t participating in circle time activities. And, I was also told he should be able to color for the entire blocked out ime which is 15-20 minutes. Ha! My son will color, but not that long every time! We are expecting way too much for these boys that are normal in wanting to explore their worlds. Thank you for your insight and advice!
All I can say is thank you! I was feeling pretty hopeless tonight and tired of all the negative feedback from my 3 year old son’s preschool and you gave me hope!
As a preschool teacher, I agree that a three-year-old should not be expected to sit for too long . The problem is that when the other 9 students are sitting and trying to listen and participate, the distruptive one unfairly ruins it for everyone. I am not sure what the right answer is.
BRAVO! I am a 4 year old kindergarden teacher who fully believes children — yes 4 year olds — NEED to PLAY — PLAY is their WORK! Circle time is not a future indicator of school success! Preschool is NOT bootcamp for kindergarten so let’s treat 3 and 4 year olds like 3 and 4 year olds instead of trying to make them into kindergarteners! Yes by the end of 4K I expect the kids to be able to listen to sit for short periods of time and to be on task and generally speaking they can! There are a few exceptions but overall they are able to sit and attend! And Hats off to Developmentally Appropriate Practices!!
I’m grateful to have found this site. I have a 3 and a half yr old little boy who is having trouble sitting during circle time. My son is currently potty trained but during enrollment of preschool he was not…so I had to sign him up for the 2yr old class. Which is frustrating, when he had just turned 3 I had asked his doctor about potty training and he encouraged me to not pressure my child that he would learn in his own time. Then two months later; when I signed him up for preshool their was all this pressure for him to be potty trained due to them not accepting pull-ups (I think thats crazy). Anyway…I’m not sure if he’s bored or what. I watch him w/other 3yr olds and he there is not difference. If he’s w/older kids then he acts like them. I know my child displays normal behavior for his age, but it’s very discouraging trying to make him act like an adult, when he’s only 3.
I’m grateful to have found this site. I have a 3 and a half yr old little boy who is having trouble sitting during circle time. My son is currently potty trained but during enrollment of preschool he was not…so I had to sign him up for the 2yr old class. Which is frustrating, when he had just turned 3 I had asked his doctor about potty training and he encouraged me to not pressure my child that he would learn in his own time. Then two months later; when I signed him up for preshool their was all this pressure for him to be potty trained due to them not accepting pull-ups (I think thats crazy). Anyway…I’m not sure if he’s bored or what. I watch him w/other 3yr olds and there is not difference. If he’s w/older kids then he acts like them. I know my child displays normal behavior for his age, but it’s very discouraging trying to make him act like an adult, when he’s only 3.
Interesting how we accept our kids as being ‘bored’ when they are unable to follow directions and do what is being asked of them.
Hi all. So great to read all the comments. My 3yr old son is also having problems at preschool as well. He was in a program last year (1.5 hours 2x a week) and never a negative comment. But, this year (different school), each day that I pick him up, the teacher will say … didn’t sit in circle time, running in class, says no when one of the teachers asks him to do something (he apparently spilled the drink on purpose the other day). She says that he is very bright just is “disruptive” to the other kids. Or that he will “follow” the other kids if they run around, etc. She suggested today that I consider having him evaluated for “behavior issues”. Today he actually pulled his pants down in class and grabbed his genitals. He does not do any of this behavior at home. I’ve been practicing circle time at home and even bought several books about preschool (Maisy goes to preschool etc). The thing is, the teacher never says, well since he wasn’t sitting in circle, I allowed him to sit quietly with a book or I gave him this other activity. Instead, it appears that he is put in time out (and won’t sit there either — at home circle time is for extreme behavior, i.e. hits his siblings, etc). I’m just at a loss for what to do next. This is a well regarded school and it is not cheap. If there is an issue and he should be evaluated, then I don’t want to delay. But, I also feel as though he may be acting out since he is not comfortable in class. Any suggestions on how to approach teacher and deal with these issue are greatly appreciated.
I’m so happy to find this. My 2.5 year old has trouble sitting in circle time. It has kept me up at night: what am I doing wrong? How can I help? I was also thinking, “He can’t be the only child that won’t sit in circle time.” While I do understand that his wanting to run around and not sit down can disrupt the class, it’s good to remember that he is just 2. Thank you!