Life as a mom who has her hands full
Rather obvious title, but that is how I feel at the moment. I wake up in the morning lucky enough to be surrounded by 3 beautiful children. Each one desperate to drink in all of my presence…I on the other hand am desperate to drink in the entire pot of coffee. They just can’t get enough of mommy…I am lucky, I know. But at the moment I just feel tired. Too many late nights spent staring at the computer screen trying to build my website. At the moment, I think I just messed it up. The changes I made screwed up everything when I published it last night..doesn’t look right. I will probably have to troubleshoot…yet again. But now I have a baby waving his arms frantically at me and a 3 year old who is hungry for more cocoa puffs. When can I troubleshoot my website when I am busy troubleshooting my life?
I have got to stop staying up late at night. It is making my morning too rough, but when can I work? The answer, I have found, lies in between their bedtime and mine. Problem is… somewhere around midnight. By all practical purposes, I should be in bed by 10:30 and asleep so that I can be the best possible mother I can be at 7 am. I need to find some balance between them and me.
For the last 5 years it has been ALL about them. Everything I read about, everything I learned about, everything I was interested in had to do with them. Now, I want to carve out a little something for ME. Even though I know that keeping my identity and keeping my brain alive IS what is ultimately best for them, I can’t help but feel a little guilty when I am on the computer instead of playing Play Dough. I doubt our grandmothers wrestled with such pity problems. They were too busy hanging laundry on the line outside, baking pies from scratch, and hand washing baby diapers. Too busy to worry whether the kids were bored..too busy to worry about themselves.
Balance….I need to find balance..
I guess that is what we all strive for. Balance between them and us. Balance between being a mother, being a wife, and being ourselves. How many of us loose ourselves in the process? Once the Legos are packed, the crayons are stored, and the diapers are changed…what is left for me?